We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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