the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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