Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
