i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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