i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
