Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
