So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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