apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
