i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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