I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize