the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Everything about him screamed your future.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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