did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
