Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
