Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
