i used baking grease as lip gloss
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
