He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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