think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
