I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
