We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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