Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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