I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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