think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
