i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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