he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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