dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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