Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize