I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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