her vagine was all disorganized.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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