i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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