well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize