Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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