He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
