just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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