I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
