ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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