you guys were way drunker than both of me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
