she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
