he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
