ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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