They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
