what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
