I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You took a bar mat shot.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
