exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize