Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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