oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
