I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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