this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
