i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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