I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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