Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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