maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
