dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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