WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
