i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
