It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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