Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
