When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
