Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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