I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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