Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
