I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize