I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You smell like stripper and shame
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
