if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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