never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize