During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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