Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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