i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
