he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
