OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
