well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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