Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
as a side note pls kill me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
